I wanted to share with you a little bit about my personal struggles. Not to gross anyone out, and certainly not to divulge any type of medical condition, but to express to everyone an internal struggle that has been going on with me over the course of the last 6 months. After talking with my doctor and speaking with my husband I made the decision to end a 20 year relationship with birth control. I began when I was a young teenager, not because I was sexually active, but because I had horrific monthly visits from Aunt Flow. Aunt Flow was so terrible, that 20 years ago the only way the doctor could assure me, and my mother, she would be controlled was with a tiny pill I took every day of my life. For 20+ years this little pill controlled my hormones, my body, and my brain. I know it sounds dramatic, but for those of you who have had problems of the same nature, this is a common occurrence.
Six months ago, I decided to stop. I stopped for personal reasons, and I stopped because honestly, I was in great shape, and I wanted to control my body myself. Ideally I wanted to improve my eating, improve my workouts, and begin a more “natural” way to regulating what I needed to regulate. In no other words to describe it, the last six months for me have been an internal hell. Everything I wanted to accomplish by stopping this pill, turned against me and backfired in my face. Not only did things become irregular, my thoughts, and my mood changed. I no longer had the fire in me to wake up at 4:00am for my regular morning workouts. I snapped and yelled at my husband over ridiculous things. I cried at not only Hallmark movies, but commercials when the bear ran out of toilet paper and I was sad for him. In the course of these six months, I did successfully complete several endurance events that I had previously registered for as a goal to finish. Did I train appropriately for them? Nope, not in my opinion, but I did them, and I finished. However, I can tell you I wasn’t myself when I completed the RAGNAR Ultra, Skydive Ultra 50K, and the Masters of All Terrain Ruck Division. I can tell you that throughout all these races, weekends, and weekdays the internal light inside me was dim. I felt tired. Not “I need to sleep for 20 hours tired and feel better” but a “I could lay in bed and do nothing for 6 days tired.” After once again consoling with my doctor, and having blood work done, I can assure myself that what I went through was and is normal given the longevity of the medicine I was on, but starting from scratch again sucks. As a last minute decision I decided to run the Best Damn Race half marathon this weekend in Orlando, FL. I personally wanted to see where I was at, where I needed to go, and what I needed to focus my training on by running this race. I finished the race in 2 hours and 24 minutes. The first 10 miles were great, and then I slowed down the last 3. I was fighting fatigue, knee pain, back pain, and ankle pain pretty bad but the one thing I didn’t do was stop.
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I am fortunate enough that over the course of the last 6 months I haven’t gained any significant excess weight which I couldn’t get off by completing an Advocare 24 Day Challenge cycle, but have suffered severely in the muscle gain progress. My squat weight has gone down, my dead lift weight is non-existent and let’s not even talk about that bench press. The past few weeks I have been feeling a little more like my old self as each day passes. I am finally waking up out of the horrible hormonal fog I was in for so long and my body is beginning to naturally regulate itself.
With this new awakening I know I’ve got to start training all over again. But I’m going to do it, I’m going to fight, and I’m going to get back to where I was. I am thankful for a wonderful husband, and amazing friends who support me throughout all my craziness and different moods. The moral of my story is to share with you a little bit of my life so that if you know of someone suffering the same, or yourself, or see someone you love act a little different, you can help. Let them know they are not alone. We can come back together, and we will be stronger than before.